Dr Celiwe Dada is a South African medical doctor and mother of three who has recently gained significant attention on social media, particularly TikTok, due to her candid storytelling about her personal life. She has shared her experiences of surviving an abusive marriage, focusing on the emotional and financial toll it took on her.
Have you ever moved to a neighbourhood, town, city or country and lost the community you were part of? How did you build a new network? Have you ever been witness to someone’s distress, for example, the wailing of a neighbour or a woman being beaten, and you have held your peace, too scared to intervene?
That was me as a younger, less confident woman. This is why networks are so important. There’s a story from Nicaragua of a group of women coming together to beat up the man in their neighbourhood who beat his wife. The beating stopped.
This subject of community and its importance is on my mind because a series of unsettling conversations have emerged from South Africa that compel us to question the fabric of our communities. Dr Celiwe Dada, a doctor who endured years in an abusive relationship, Nonkanyiso ‘LaConco’ Conco, a teenage girlfriend and mother of one of former president Jacob Zuma’s children and reality star, is now revealing the complexities of her life.
These stories serve as poignant reminders of the role community plays—or fails to play—in the lives of people facing dire circumstances. Alongside popular reality dramas like Uthando neS’thembu, these narratives shed light on the intense personal struggles within relationships and the critical silence from family and community members who might have intervened.
When browsing social media comments about Dr Dada, some criticise her by suggesting that her doctorate has not protected her from abuse, overlooking the fact that she was only 18 when she fell in love with a man who would become her abuser. Similarly, in discussions about LaConco, we often see comments like “uyaphapha” directed to her for being forward when referring to her relationship with a man over 60, a president at the time.
While it is essential for people to take responsibility for their actions, these reactions also highlight a broader societal issue.
Rather than solely blaming these women, we must examine the systemic factors and cultural narratives that contribute to their situation. At the core of these stories lies a troubling theme: the absence of communal support and intervention during times of crisis. Dr Dada’s experience with abuse, which left her both financially and emotionally scarred, raises vital questions about the vigilance and engagement of those closest to her.
Similarly, LaConco’s experiences highlight the need for community awareness and accountability. Why are family, friends, and neighbours often silent witnesses to the suffering of their loved ones? Does this silent complicity stem from an ingrained individualistic approach to life, where personal autonomy and privacy are prioritised over communal responsibility and engagement?
The rise of individualism, particularly in contemporary society, has profound implications for the health of our communities. In many cases, it fosters an environment where people feel disconnected from one another, reluctant to intervene in the lives of others out of fear or belief that it is not their place to do so. This mentality can lead to a dangerous bystander effect, where people look away even when they know something is wrong.
The narratives we see on social media and television vividly illustrate this; we are left questioning why the friends and family of participants do not step in to provide support or assistance when they clearly need it. The lack of intervention suggests troubling normalcy in isolating individual struggles rather than embracing the collective responsibility of being part of a community.
Community matters because it fosters connection, belonging, and mutual support. When people come together, they create a collective awareness that amplifies voices that might otherwise remain unheard. The importance of solidarity cannot be overstated; it is through our bonds with one another that we find the strength to face challenges, hold each other accountable, and cultivate resilience.
Communities prioritising collective well-being empower their members to speak up against abuse or exploitation. They create safe spaces where people can share their struggles without fear of judgment or isolation, establishing a culture of care essential to personal and collective healing.
However, the growing trend toward individualism poses significant challenges. In a world increasingly obsessed with self-sufficiency and personal achievement, we may lose sight of the interdependencies that define our existence. The individualistic mindset often leads to a lack of understanding regarding our influence over one another’s lives. It breeds apathy towards the struggles of our fellow community members, creating an atmosphere where problems like domestic abuse or financial exploitation can flourish unchallenged. This shift away from collectivism inevitably undermines the very foundation of community, eroding the connections that should bind us together in times of need.